AVA
At the End of the World
Book by ERIC McCUSKER and LARRY BUTTROSE.
Songs by ERIC McCUSKER with additional
songwriting by JAKE MASON.
Cast of Characters
AVA GARDNER: 36 year old American actress
JOE “BEBOP” LANE: 29 year old Australian jazz singer
FRANK SINATRA: 43 year old American singer
NEIL JILLETT: 25 year old reporter for the Sydney Morning Herald
GRACE GRAZIANO: 27 year old Australian/Hawaiian/Italian singer, Ava’s film stand-in
BELLA and JOY GRAZIANO: Grace’s sisters and members of The Three Graces. Aged 33 and 30.
FELIPE HERNANDEZ: 45 year old Cuban guitarist AKA “Gypsy Flip”
HORACE MEAHAN: 35 year old Australian photographer. Through the story he gradually accumulates injuries.
FRED ASTAIRE: 59 year old American dancer and actor
GREGORY PECK: 42 year old American actor
STANLEY KRAMER: 46 year old American film director
LEE GORDON: 36 year old American promoter
JIMMY WYBLE: Frank Sinatra’s guitarist, 37 year old American
ACT ONE
Scene One
Curtain up on Neil Jillett, a young newspaper reporter, hanging around outside the Melbourne Chevron with his photographer Horace Meahan.
Through a large lit-up bay window they watch stylishly dressed people as they drink cocktails and dance. Fred Astaire does a little dance turn watched by the celebrity crowd and Horace notices.
HORACE: Neil, Neil… look… Fred bloody Astaire!
His flashbulb goes as he takes shot. But Neil is less impressed.
NEIL: Save your bulbs for the main act, Horace.
(Points) And…. there she is, right on cue.
Neil points to Ava, who approaches the window to look out. Horace prepares to shoot again, but every time he does, Ava takes evasive action, turning and moving away from the window, as if she’s toying with them.
NEIL: Bugger it, Ava! Stand still!
HORACE: I don’t think even she knows how mate.
Neil and Horace sing Hollywood Comes to Melbourne.
NEIL: HEY…HAVE YOU READ THE NEWS TODAY
AVA GARDNER HITS THE CITY BY THE BAY
NEIL & HORACE: HOLLYWOOD COMES TO MELBOURNE
THE CITY IS BATHED IN LIGHT
HOLLYWOOD COMES TO MELBOURNE
AND THE STARS COME OUT AT NIGHT
NEIL: TO PLAY…SING AND DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY
AVA, AVA, CAN YOU TURN YOUR FACE THIS WAY
BOTH: HOLLYWOOD COMES TO MELBOURNE
THE CITY IS PAVED IN GOLD
HOLLYWOOD COMES TO MELBOURNE
AND THE STORY MUST BE TOLD
WHEN HOLLYWOOD GOES OUT ON THE TOWN
THE PRESS GO ON THE PROWL
ALL OF US TRYING TO GET A SHARE
OF GREGORY PECK OR FRED ASTAIRE
ANTHONY PERKINS OR STANLEY KRAMER
OR BEST OF ALL A SHOT OF AVA
NEIL: I’VE BEEN WAITING ‘ROUND ALL DAY
HORACE: WAITING FOR AVA
NEIL: AVA, AVA, WON’T YOU TURN AND FACE THIS WAY
BOTH: BUT NO, SHE TREATS IT LIKE A GAME
AVOIDING BEING PHOTOGRAPHED
SHE ALWAYS SEEMS TO SLIDE OUT OF FRAME
AND ALL WE END UP GETTING IS
REFLECTIONS OF OUR PHOTOFLASH
THEY ALL TURN OUT THE SAME
NEIL: BUT HEY…WE’RE THE HUNTERS, SHE’S THE PREY
HORACE: HUNTING FOR AVA
NEIL: AVA, AVA, CAN’T YOU TURN YOUR FACE THIS WAY
BOTH: HOLLYWOOD COMES TO MELBOURNE
THE CITY IS BATHED IN LIGHT
HOLLYWOOD COMES TO MELBOURNE
SEE THE STARS COME OUT AT NIGHT
WHEN HOLLYWOOD GOES OUT ON THE TOWN
THE PRESS GO ON THE PROWL
ALL OF US TRYING TO GET A SHARE
OF GREGORY PECK OR FRED ASTAIRE
ANTHONY PERKINS OR STANLEY KRAMER
OR BEST OF ALL A SHOT
OF AVA LOOKING HOT
Ava in the window fans her face with a distinctive Spanish fan. She turns away.
OR IN SOME AWKWARD SPOT…
A QUOTE AND/OR A SHOT FROM
NEIL: AVA
I’VE BEEN WAITING ‘ROUND ALL DAY
HORACE: WAITING FOR AVA
NEIL: WE’RE THE HUNTERS, SHE’S THE PREY
HORACE: PRAYING FOR AVA
Ava seems to return to the window and stand there, fanning her face with the Spanish fan.
NEIL: Look Horace… now! Now!!
Horace’s flashbulb goes off. But then Ava lowers the fan and smiles sweetly at them through the window… and they see it’s another woman, Ava’s film stand-in, Grace Graziano, wearing the same dress as Ava, smiling out at them.
NEIL: (spoken) WAIT A MINUTE
HORACE: WHAT?
NEIL: THAT’S NOT HER
HORACE: WHO?
NEIL: OH MY GOD SHE’S GONE AND GOT
BOTH: (sung) AWAY-AY-AY
NEIL: AGAIN
They scan the room for Ava…
NEIL: Bloody hell Horace… get the car quick! The bitch has done a runner!
They run off as Grace is joined in the window by Fred Astaire and they smile
and clink glasses in a toast.
Fade out lights in the window.
Fade to blackout.
End of Scene.
Scene Two
The setting is a jazz café bar called the Cat’s Cradle, with a small crowd at tables and chairs. Jazz group the Melbourne Cats are playing the intro to the song All the Crazy Things. Joe “Bebob” Lane enters to clapping and cheers.
JOE: Hi. Welcome to the Cat’s Cradle. I’m Joe Bebop Lane and these are the Melbourne Cats… come in, come in make yourself at home…
Ava enters alone… and is ushered to a front table…. Other patrons crane their
necks to see her and start whispering… Ava smiles at Joe.
JOE: …check your worries with your coats and hats… plenty of room for swingin’ cats….
He sings the song with the band.
I WANNA THANK YOU ALL FOR COMIN’ OUT
COMIN’ OUT TO SEE THE SHOW
I WANNA THANK YOU ALL FOR TAKIN’ A CHANCE
ON SOMEBODY THAT YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW…
IF YOU’RE AGREED AND WE’RE ALL READY TO PROCEED
THEN WE SHOULD SET OUT FOR THE NEAREST STAR
A BIG OCCASION, A CELEBRATION OF
THE CRAZY THINGS WE ARE
OF ALL THE CRAZY THINGS WE ARE
YOU SPEND YEARS PRACTISING YOUR HORN
YOU SACRIFICE YOUR DAY TIMES
STAYING UP AND PLAYING UNTIL DAWN
UNTIL ALONG COMES A NIGHT
LIKE THIS ONCE IN A BLUE MOON
THRU MUSIC, SWEET MUSIC WE CAN JOURNEY SO FAR
AS WE PLAY AND WE SING
ABOUT THE CRAZY THINGS WE ARE
The band goes into an instrumental break. Ava gestures to Joe to her table to sit.
AVA: Hey! You’re good!
JOE: You really think!
AVA: Sure I think. About half the time too. What’s your name honey?
JOE: Joe “Bebop” Lane, Miss Gardner.
AVA: Call me Ava.
But then Joe spots something. Neil and Horace have entered, and are loitering at the back of the room, and Horace has his camera at the ready.
JOE: Uh-oh…
AVA: (Seeing) Who are those two jerks?
JOE: The one without the camera’s Neil Jillett. Reporter. A real prick.
Neil and Horace boldly approach and try to get a shot of Ava.
NEIL: (Taunting) Say cheese Ava!
AVA: (Furious) Hey!! Shove off!!
Ava throws champagne over Neil, leaps up and pushes Horace backwards. He
falls over a table as his flash goes off. The crowd goes Oooh.
AVA: Joe is there a back way out!!
Lights fade on the club and up on Joe riding a Vespa with Ava on the back with
scenes of Melbourne in the background, with Rear Projection (RP).
JOE: You haven’t told me where to?
AVA: Caroline Grove, South Yarra.
JOE: Nice. Just round the corner.
The Vespa pulls up outside a fancy house.
AVA: Thanks Joe. (Getting off) Say, I’m having a flamenco later. Why don’t you stop by after your show?
JOE: Thanks! Er, but what’s a flamenco…
AVA: You’ll see.
She gives him a kiss on the cheek.
JOE: Oh Mamma!! I just got kissed by Ava Gardner!!
She laughs and disappears Off.
Joe steps off the Vespa and straight back up onto the club stage with the Cats,
and resumes the song.
YOU SPEND YEARS PRACTISING YOUR HORN
YOU SACRIFICE YOUR DAY TIMES
STAYING UP AND PLAYING UNTIL DAWN
YOU SPEND YEARS WORKING ON YOUR CHOPS
AND DEALING WITH THE REAL WORLD
WHEN THE MUSIC STOPS
UNTIL ALONG COMES A NIGHT
LIKE THIS ONCE IN A BLUE MOON
THRU MUSIC, SWEET MUSIC WE CAN JOURNEY SO FAR
AS WE PLAY AND WE SING
RING-A DING-DING
WE PLAY AND WE SING
ABOUT THE CRAZY THINGS WE ARE
I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL
FOR COMING OUT
TO FIND OUT ABOUT WHO I AM
MAYBE I’M INSECURE
BUT I’M NEVER REALLY SURE
IF THERE’LL BE ANYONE HERE
WHO GIVES DAMN.
SO IF YOU’RE READY
WE CAN HIT IT HARD AND STEADY
AND SWING OUT TO THE FINAL BAR
A BIG OCCASION A CELEBRATION
OF THE CRAZY THINGS WE ARE
OF ALL THE CRAZY THINGS WE ARE
Applause, he bows. Blackout.
End of Scene.
Scene Three
Sound of a door knock in the blackout. Lights up on front door of a house. Ava walks quickly to answer the door.
AVA: (Shouts) Fuck off! Beat it!! Leave me alone!!
There’s a pause. Joe is on the other side of door.
JOE (OFF): (Cautiously) Ava… it’s Joe.
AVA: Whatever goddam paper you’re from… Joe… just get the hell back there!
JOE (OFF): But… no, no, Ava… it’s Joe… Bebop… Lane. We… met earlier… at the club…
AVA: Oh… oh! That Joe! Why didn’t you say so? Joe, Joe, come in!
She opens the door and he enters.
JOE: Sorry I’m late.
AVA: No-one’s ever late, honey. Not till they’re dead.
She shuts the door. He looks around.
JOE: Nice place.
AVA: Cocktail bar. Patio. I had a horse upstairs for a while too.
JOE: I once lived in a place with a donkey in the basement.
AVA: (Giggles) OK. Mine wasn’t a stayer though.
They enter the opulent living room where Fred and Grace stand chatting, drinks
in hand.
AVA: Joe, this is Fred Astaire. You may have heard of him.
JOE: Mr Astaire. A true king of cool...
FRED: (Chuckles) Well I don’t know about that…
AVA: And this is Grace, my stand-in on the film set…
JOE: I know Grace. Hi. And Ava… have you discovered yet what
a great singer Grace is..?
GRACE: But Joe do you know what a great singer Ava is...?
There’s another knock. Ava goes to the door again.
AVA: (Screams) Fuck off! Go away!! How many times…
FLIP (OFF): It’s us!! Flip and the girls!!
AVA: Why the hell didn’t you say so!!
Cuban guitarist Gypsy Flip in a straw hat with bushy black hair underneath it,
and two young dancers in Gypsy outfits, Grace’s sisters Bella and Joy,
enter.
AVA: Come in, come in…
They all follow Ava back into the living room.
AVA: This is Joe. Joe, our Cuban buddy and maestro, Gypsy Flip… and his two lovely Gypsy dancers, Joy and Bella… who also happen to be Grace’s sisters.
Joe smiles at the girls and turns to Flip.
JOE: Moonlighting, Felipe...
FLIP: A musician’s fate is indeed cruel when he must spend time with ladies as lovely as these, Joe.
AVA: You guys know each other?
JOE: Every musician in this town knows each other.
AVA: Seems like every person in this town knows each other. There’s only about six of them...
A small chuckle in the group.
JOY: Seems like every second person in this town is working on
the movie too. (Beat) So what’s your part in it Fred?
FRED: Well, as you may know the movie’s about the end of the world…
BELLA: But it has a happy ending, right?
FRED: Maybe… I play a scientist who gasses himself in his garage.
AVA: …And my lover sails away to his doom and leaves me to die alone, of radiation poisoning, in Melbourne.
FRED: So I guess you could say it has a happy ending, yeah.
They all laugh. Gypsy Flip begins playing a Spanish style interlude on the guitar.
JOE: A friend of mine in Sydney reckons he couldn’t imagine a better place than Melbourne… to make a film about the end of the world…
AVA: Yeah honey!
Ava dances flamenco and sings Mel-Boring.
IT’S…THE PITS
I’M AT THE END OF MY FUCKING WITS
THE PRESS ARE BEING PERFECT SHITS
THEY’RE TRYING TO PESTER ME TO DEATH
IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS
NOW I’VE BEGUN COMING OUT IN LUMPS
MAN I THOUGHT THAT I’D SEEN SOME DUMPS
BUT NONE LIKE MEL-BORING
PUT ME ON A PLANE
BACK TO SPAIN
I’VE HAD ENOUGH
I NEED TO SPEND
SOME TIME ALONE
BLOOD FROM A STONE
Bella and Joy join her dancing flamenco.
GLITZ AND GLAM
THAT’S ALL THAT THEY THINK I AM
THEY DON’T SEEM TO GIVE A DAMN
ABOUT THE FILM WE’RE TRYING TO MAKE
WITH THEIR BEER AND THEIR PIES
AND THE FLIES CRAWLING IN MY EYES
THE HEAT AND DUST AND WORST OF ALL
MEL-BORING
PUT ME ON A PLANE
STRAIGHT BACK TO SPAIN
I’VE HAD ENOUGH
I NEED TO SPEND
SOME TIME ALONE
BLOOD FROM A STONE
AWAY FROM MEL-BORING
MARVELLOUS MELB’N
MEL-BORING
PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY
The others all laugh and applaud wildly. Ava takes a little bow with Bella and Joy, and gestures to Gypsy Flip.
FLIP: Gracias… gracias… thank you…thank you…
The phone rings.
AVA: Excuse me.
Ava walks away to a side table and picks it up.
AVA: Hello.
Lights down on the group, although the others keep chatting in the background. Ava is in a spot, with Frank Sinatra in a spot on the other side of the stage.
AVA: Who is this?
FRANK: What’s the time there?
AVA: I dunno… eleven? Frank?? What time is it where you are?
FRANK: In the wee small hours of course.
AVA: Where are you?
FRANK: I’m in Honolulu.
AVA: What you doin’ there? Riding a surfboard with a scotch in your hand?
FRANK: On my way to you. I’ll be there in a couple of days…
AVA: What? Where will you be?
FRANK: Mel-borne!
AVA: Mel-boring…
FRANK: Ooh. That bad, huh?
AVA: Hot as Death Valley but not half the fun.
Frank chuckles.
AVA: I just wanna be back drinking sangria on the Ramblas.
FRANK: Drinking what on the who? (Overhears) Sounds like you got some people over…
AVA: A few, uh-huh.
FRANK: Any guy I should worry about?
AVA: Frank, we’ve been divorced for years.
FRANK: Any guy I should worry about?
AVA: (Chiding) Frank…
FRANK: So things going OK..?
AVA: (Sighs) The movie’s about to wrap. But… I dunno…
FRANK: Anyway, my Mel-borne shows are in two days time. Ain’t you heard? I get on the plane in the morning. Lee says he’s got the whole country on red alert.
AVA: I heard. But I didn’t realise it was so soon… Jesus, Frank… I still gotta finish the goddam movie… the press are thick as flies… people are pestering me… and you here too?
FRANK: Oh. I’m all hurt now. I thought you’d be picking out your fancy lingerie. (Pause) You are gonna come to the show aren’t you…?
AVA: (Hesitates) Can I have two tickets?
FRANK: Any guy I should worry about..? Baby you can have as many as you like. Just as long as you’re there.
AVA: See you Frank.
FRANK: Yeah.
She hangs up, staring disconcerted out at the audience. Fade spot on her.
Lights up on Frank putting down the phone in what we now see is the bar of the
Royal Hawaiian in Honolulu. His guitarist Jimmy Wyble is picking out a few
notes on his guitar while Frank drinks down an Old Fashioned.
He takes an emerald necklace out of his pocket and shows it to Jimmy.
FRANK: Think she’ll like it Jimmy?
Jimmy gives a low whistle at its obvious value, admires it and hands it back to
Frank.
JIMMY: That’s a helluva thing, Mr S! You still kind of in love with her? I mean, most guys I know would travel halfway round the world to get away from their ex-wives…
FRANK: Yeah, well, I ain’t most guys. And she’s Ava.
Jimmy plays some chords which other musicians at the bar pick up on (the Cats, recostumed), and Frank sings I Still Ain’t Over Ava.
I STILL AIN’T OVER AVA
SHE’S STILL MY FAVOURITE FLAVOUR
I WISH THAT I COULD SAVE HER FOR MYSELF
OH WELL…WHAT THE HELL
I’VE BEEN FOREVER AND EVER UNDER HER SPELL
WHEN HER RUBY LIPS ARE SHINING
HER EYES SO WIDE AND SMILING
WITH A SPARKLE THAT’S BEGUILING TO BEHOLD
OH YEAH…SO UNFAIR
I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING BROTHER TO HAVE HER BE THERE
WHEN I CALL
I WILL ALWAYS BE HER SLAVE
GUESS I STILL AIN’T OVER AVA AFTER ALL
EVEN THOUGH
SHE’S A BELLIGERENT ARROGANT SO AND SO
SHE’LL HIT YOU AND KICK YOU AND DON’T I KNOW
SHE’LL SKITTLE YOU AND BELITTLE YOU
SHE CAN GIVE ME SUCH A MIGRAINE
LIKE TICKER-TAPE IN MY BRAIN
BUT BROTHER I AIN’T LYIN’
THERE’S NO POINT IN DENYIN’
THOUGH IT’S NOT FOR WANT OF TRYIN’ TO BE FREE
AND HOW… AH BUT NOW
I’M GONNA SWALLOW MY PRIDE
AND FOLLOW MY FOOLISH HEART
BACK I WILL CRAWL
‘CAUSE I STILL FIND THAT I CRAVE
THE SWEET LOVE THAT SHE GAVE
I’LL ALWAYS BE HER SLAVE
I STILL AIN’T OVER AVA AFTER ALL
I STILL AIN’T OVER AVA AFTER ALL
I WAS NEVER OVER AVA AFTER ALL
JIMMY: That bad, uh Frank?
FRANK: That bad and worse, Tex.
Fade light on Frank and up on Ava rejoining her group.
FRED: Who was that?
AVA: Frank.
FRED: He’s not… here yet, is he?
AVA: No. But soon.
FRED: Uh-oh. (Pause) You know Ava… this isn’t such a bad town. Last night the police picked me up.
AVA: What, Fred? What’d you do?
FRED: Nothing. I just like driving around the city with the cops at night.
AVA: Really?
FRED: It beats lying awake in my hotel room.
AVA: It’s always the quiet ones that are weird, isn’t it Fred…
They smile at each other. She takes Joe aside while the others chat on.
AVA: So… Joe… We’ve only just met, I know, yeah, but…wanna come with me to Frank’s concert?
JOE: Me? Really? How about all your other friends?
AVA: I actually don’t like being out with a crowd… and you seem like a pal…
Joe nods and smiles at her.
JOE: Is Frank going to be OK with me coming along with you?
AVA: He can’t tell me what to do!
JOE: But still… what’s the low-down on you two? You cool with each other now? I know you’re not still married…
AVA: We’re not cool. He’s hot and I’m not. (Pauses) Except… sometimes.
JOE: When’s that?
AVA: Depends. What day of the week is it? (Pauses) Look, our marriage was like a storm. And it almost crushed us in the end. Leaving Frank was an act of pure self-preservation.
JOE: So where are things at now?
AVA: We’re usually good for a day. Anything more than that’s dangerous.
JOE: So how long’s he here for?
AVA: Two days. (Pauses) Frank… Jesus… (Sighs) So much about that bastard I love…. so much I don’t… and so much more, I....
Flip plays… she listens… She sings Critical Mass.
IT’S WAR, IT’S LIKE
EL-ALAMEIN OR D-DAY
WE MAKE LOVE THEN THE FIGHTING STARTS
ON MY WAY TO THE BIDET
I’LL HEAR A KIND OF SONIC BOOM
COMIN’ OUT OF THE BEDROOM
SPARKS WILL START TO FLY
WITHOUT ME EVEN KNOWING WHY…WE HIT
CRITICAL MASS, WE HIT CRITICAL MASS
CRITICAL MASS, WE HIT OUT
SO WHY, WHY
DO I CHOOSE THESE KIND OF FELLAS
START OUT LOVELY AND CHARMING THEN END UP
CRAZY JEALOUS
HOW’M I S’POSED TO PIN MY HOPES
ON TWO UNSTABLE ISOTOPES
WHEN THE CHAIN REACTION STARTS
IN OUR HEARTS AND OTHER PARTS…WHEN WE HIT
CRITICAL MASS, WE HIT CRITICAL MASS
CRITICAL MASS, WE HIT OUT
TAKE TWO PARTS DYNAMITE ADD TWO PARTS TNT
THROW TOGETHER IN BED FOR A NIGHT
LIGHT FUSE, STAND BACK THEN WAIT AND SEE
SEE FIREWORKS AND FIREPOWER
AND FLAMES OF SUCH INTENSITY
BUT AFTER WORDS THE MOOD TURNS SOUR
AND HE STARTS TO ACT OFFENSIVELY
I’M NOT SURE IF THE PAIN IS WORTH IT
FOR THE SHOOTING STARS AND THE SHAKING EARTH, IF
LOVING FRANKIE MEANS I RISK
BEING BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS…WHEN WE HIT
CRITICAL MASS, WE HIT CRITICAL MASS
CRITICAL MASS, WE HIT OUT
The others all applaud. Fred re-enters quickly.
FRED: Ava!! It’s the end of the world!
AVA: Already?? Impossible!
FRED: I mean it! We’re outa booze!
She runs into a corner and looks.
AVA: Jesus Christ, you’re right! It’s the end!
Snap blackout. End of Scene.
Scene 4
Ava, Joe, Fred and Flip sit boozing late into the night in a dive. There’s a
couple drunkenly kissing in one corner, and a drunk slumped over a chair.
AVA: Guess we’re the stayers coming on to this joint…
JOE: (To Ava) You know, you’ve got a really good singing voice.
AVA: Why thank you honey. I love to sing. I’d rather sing than act.
JOE: Did you sing in any of your films?
AVA: Yeah. In The Killers. I sang in the night club scene. And they actually kept my voice. Unlike goddam Show Boat. They replaced me with someone who didn’t even have same accent. Fuckers.
JOE: And gee Fred I really dig your voice... In Follow the Fleet when you sing Let’s Face the Music and Dance… the way you put those words out front...
FRED: “Before the fiddlers have fled…” One the most beautiful lines Irving Berlin ever wrote…
JOE: I’m kinda more like a horn player, and I can see the notes ahead strung in front of me like lights, and I forget what the words mean… and just sing the sound…
AVA: You know they’ve asked me to sing at the wrap party.
JOE: Yeah, the Melbourne Cats got the gig too. Grace is putting it together.
AVA: Well why don’t you come along and sing a song there Joe? And Fred you should do something too.
FRED: Maybe I could dance to something Joe sings. But I still haven’t heard you sing…
Flip starts playing some gypsy jazz. And Joe sings Butterflies.
IT’S FAST APPROACHING
THAT TIME OF THE EVENING
WHEN THE MOON STARTS CALLING OUT MY NAME
GOT TO GET OUT ON THE BEAT
SURF THE CROWD INTO THE STREET
JUST TO STOP MYSELF FROM GOING INSANE
READY TO LEAP OUT OF MY SKIN
IS THE STATE I’M IN
KNOWING IN THE MORNING
I’LL BE MEETING HER OFF THE TRAIN
JUST GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT
WITHOUT BEING TAKEN IN BY THE SIGHT
OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES
BLOOMING AFTER THE RAIN
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
MESSING ALL WITH MY STUFF
BUTTERFLIES TO REMIND ME
IT’S BETTER I DO IT TOUGH
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
TRYING TO GET SHOT OF ALL THESE BUTTERFLIES
ALL THE CRAZIES AND THE SHADIES
AND THE LADIES OF THE NIGHT
FIREWORKS AND THE SMELL OF FRENCH PERFUME
IT’S GETTING HARDER TO RESIST
THE OFFER OF A GLOVE ON A ROSY FIST
SO I CLENCH MYSELF AND HEAD BACK TOWARDS THE ROOM
DOO- DOO-DOO (etc)
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
MESSING ALL WITH MY STUFF
BUTTERFLIES TO REMIND ME
IT’S BETTER I DO IT TOUGH
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
TRYING TO GET SHOT OF ALL THESE BUTTERFLIES
Fred gets up and dances around the tables doing a fast soft shoe. His stamping continually wakes the drunk who keeps nodding off again and the kissing couple are blithely unaware.
READY TO LEAP OUT OF MY SKIN
THAT’S THE STATE I’M IN
KNOWING IN THE MORNING
I’LL BE MEETING HER OFF THE TRAIN
JUST GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT
WITHOUT BEING TAKEN IN BY THE SIGHT
OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES
BLOOMING AFTER THE RAIN
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
MESSING ALL WITH MY STUFF
BUTTERFLIES TO REMIND ME
IT’S BETTER I DO IT TOUGH
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
TRYING TO GET TOP OF ALL THESE BUTTERFLIES
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
MESSING ALL WITH MY STUFF
BUTTERFLIES TO REMIND ME
IT’S BETTER I DO IT TOUGH
BUTTERFLIES INSIDE ME
TRYING TO GET TOP OF ALL THESE
TRYING TO GET RID OF ALL THESE
TRYING TO GET ON SHOT OF ALL THESE
TRYING TO GET RID OF ALL THESE BUTTERFLIES
The others applaud. The drunk does too while still asleep. The kissing couple applaud while not breaking from the kiss.
Joe and Fred slump down in their chairs and a Waitress approaches.
JOE: (To Waitress) Four Cuba Libres thanks…
She nods and goes off to make them.
JOE: …in honour of our Cuban mate! Felipe Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan MarÃa Andres Lopez de los Remedios Cipriano de la SantÃsima! Otherwise known as Flip.
The others applaud Joe. But Flip looks a little disconsolate.
FLIP: Thank you my friends. But it is sad to think of my Cuba... This bloody revolution…
AVA: You don’t like Castro?
FLIP: No! My brother will lose his bar. The best in all Havana… I played there many times…
AVA: Frank and I used to go down to Havana all the time. The Tropicana was where we met Lee Gordon, who’s just booked Frank here…
The drinks arrive and they all take them and raise them and clink.
FRED: It’s one thing to lose a bar. But Castro’s buddies in the Kremlin will be licking their lips at the chance of a base just off Florida…
AVA: That’ll sure turn up the heat on the Cold War…
JOE: And suddenly On The Beach won’t be so far-fetched…
FRED: And everything just inches closer to the edge…
Fred trails off. Pause.
JOE: (To Ava) Do you think the movie can make any difference?
AVA: Well I hope it can maybe wake people up a bit. That’s the one of the main reasons I’m doing it…
JOE: (Thinks) What are the other reasons?
AVA: Hell, there’s 400 thousand of them honey…
JOE: Huh?
AVA: US dollars that is.
FRED: (Spitting out drink) They’re only paying me a third of that!
AVA: It’s more than I got paid in my whole time at MGM.
JOE: Phew!!
AVA: And I’m free of the studio at last. And Louis B. Mayer can kiss my ass!
FRED: Now that’s a picture I’ll carry to the grave.
She starts singing Money in the Bank, with Flip playing along, and she
dances a cod flamenco.
I STARTED THE RACE WITH A SWEET LITTLE FACE
PRETTY SOON THAT FACE
BEGAN TAKING ME PLACES
THERE WERE NO RULES FOR ME
MEN BECAME FOOLS FOR ME
I HAVE THEIR FOOLISHNESS TO THANK
IT WAS MONEY IN THE BANK
LIKE MONEY IN THE BANK
ALL THE THINGS THAT MY BEAUTY COULD BUY
THEY PLIED ME WITH SAPPHIRES AND DIAMONDS
MY FACE WAS LIKE MONEY IN THE BANK
SOON I HAD FAME AND A HOUSEHOLD NAME
I FOUND MYSELF IN
WITH THE RICH AND THE FAMOUS
THE WORLD SEEMED TO SPIN FOR ME
FAME AND INFAMY
GAVE ME CHAMPAGNE AND SO I DRANK
IT WAS MONEY IN THE BANK
LIKE MONEY IN THE BANK
IT SEEMED LIKE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY
NEVER THOUGHT IT COULD EVER RUN DRY
MY FAME WAS LIKE MONEY IN THE BANK
I’VE LIVED THE LIFE OF A PIRATE
BUT NOW TIME’S DRAWING SHORT
EVEN PIRATES CAN DREAM OF RETIRING
TO SOME FAVOURITE PORT
WHILE I STILL HAVE THE CHANCE
I’LL SING AND I’LL DANCE
AND I’LL ACT TO SHORE UP MY FINANCES
AND WHEN I’VE DONE MY DASH
I’LL HAVE ENOUGH CASH
FOR A LIFE LIVED ALONE WITHOUT FRANK
OR ARTIE OR MICKEY ROONEY OR HOWARD HUGHES
OR ANY OTHER MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN OWN ME
CAUSE I’LL HAVE MONEY IN THE BANK
MONEY IN THE BANK
NOT HOLLYWOOD PIE IN THE SKY
WHEN THE FAME AND THE BEAUTY RUN DRY
I’LL STILL HAVE MY
MONEY IN THE BANK
As Flip plays the final flourish, dancing by him she goes to whip off his hat to put on… and the bushy hair comes with it. It’s a wig! He’s bald! She looks at it in horror. They both scream, and he runs from the bar.
Blackout.
Scene Five
Ava and Gregory Peck sit in a triangular arrangement on folding chairs with Stanley Kramer in the bare, silent space of a rehearsal room. They all sip mugs of coffee.
AVA: Please don’t say it’s a reshoot.
STANLEY: It’s a reshoot.
GREGORY: (Pauses) Which scene, Stanley?
AVA: Not the goodbye on the dock scene.
STANLEY: The goodbye on the dock scene.
AVA: You said we’d nailed it.
STANLEY: I did. And you did.
AVA: And, didn’t Giuseppe get the light between our lips, just like he wanted? Took him forever to set up those shots.
STANLEY: He did. And it did.
GREGORY: So, what do you want?
STANLEY: I… just keep going back to that scene. I think you can find the truth more, that’s all. Get a bit deeper still.
AVA: It’s me, isn’t it Stanley.
STANLEY: No.
AVA: Yes it is. Greg’s never hit a bum note his life.
GREGORY: What? I’ve hit more bum notes than you’ve had…
AVA: Martinis? Lovers?
GREGORY: I was going to say silk stockings.
They share a smile.
STANLEY: It’s no-one’s “fault”. The scene just has to be right, that’s all. It’s the climax. He’s going to sea and the lovers are going to die apart and alone. It doesn’t get any tougher than that… and that’s what we need. We’ll work without the script. Do it in your own words. How you’d say it. The truth of it.
AVA: Improvise.
STANLEY: Uh-huh.
GREGORY: OK by me. Ava?
Ava pauses then nods. They all get to their feet.
STANLEY: Right, so Dwight is waiting on the dock, and Moira arrives at a run. And they embrace.
AVA: Should we do that?
STANLEY: Sure.
AVA: Stanley, it’s five past nine in the morning.
STANLEY: Positions please.
AVA: You better not have had garlic last night Greg.
He smiles and shrugs. She stands a little way off.
STANLEY: Action.
Ava rushes across the room, and she and Gregory embrace, and kiss.
AVA: Oh Dwight, you’re still here… you’re staying after all!
GREGORY: (Pauses) No... No I’m not.
AVA: But… but where’s … the Sawfish…
GREGORY: Still out in the Bay, still here. Moira… I love you…
AVA: Oh, God, I love you too. Please don’t leave me here alone. Stay.
GREGORY: But… the boys… my crew…
AVA: Your… crew?? Fuck your crew!!
STANLEY: Oh… cut! Yes Ava, I’m sure Dwight would rather fuck you than his crew. But I don’t remember that word in the script.
AVA: I thought we were fucking improvising.
STANLEY: You are fucking improvising. But within limits. OK?
AVA: Limits? How can I “go deeper” within limits? Or at least finding out what they are?
STANLEY: Let’s just try it again. You OK Greg?
AVA: He’s always O-fucking-Kay.
Silence.
GREGORY: From the top?
STANLEY: Uh-huh. Positions please. And… action.
Ava rushes to Gregory. They embrace and kiss.
AVA: Oh Dwight, Dwight, darling… thank God you’re still here.
GREGORY: I was waiting for you Moira…
AVA: You’re not going after all! You’re staying. Here, with me.
GREGORY: No… no I’m not. My crew… the boys… they want to go home.
AVA: But I want you to come home! To my home! With me!
GREGORY: I’m their captain Moira… you know I love you… I love you…
AVA: Yeah. So much so you’re going to take your precious “boys” back to their dead families in their dead America… and leave the living, breathing woman who fucking loves you… to die alone… here!!
STANLEY: Oh… cut it…. Jesus, come on Ava…
AVA: You want “the truth”! Well that’s the truth!
She rushes off, leaving Gregory and Stanley looking at each other.
Lights change to Ava sitting trembling in front of a lit-up dressing room
mirror. She sings The Stranger in the Mirror a cappella, “finding” the words as
she goes.
THERE’S A STRANGER IN THE MIRROR
WHO STARES INTO YOUR EYES
SHE DARES YOU TO COME NEARER
AND SEE THRU HER DISGUISE
Gregory appears, and stands still a short way off from her as she sings.
He approaches and stands behind her, looking at her in the mirror.
AVA: Look at me, Greg. I’m… beaten up… beaten down… old.
GREGORY: You look like Ava Gardner.
AVA: I look like shit. I have the whole shoot.
GREGORY: Moira’s a woman who’s lived. So have you.
AVA: I’m still meant to look like a movie star.
GREGORY: Come on, Ava. You fill the screen. It’s yours.
AVA: (Pauses) You know when they call you the most beautiful woman in the world… first you wonder, is that true… and then… is that all I am?… and then you realise too… the clock is ticking...
GREGORY: Yes I understand, and the fact is MGM was the big messy family you resented… but now you’ve left home you know if you don’t cut it as a free agent…
AVA: Uh-huh.
GREGORY: But you do cut it. You always do. You’re far better than you think you are.
AVA: All right for you. You can just lie there. Or sit there. Or stand there. And be Gregory Peck.
GREGORY: (Smiles) It’s not really so hard. Hit your mark. Say your line and mean it. Keep your head still. If you’ve got it, the rest just happens. You know that. And you’ve got it.
AVA: You’re always so damn sweet and nice.... (Turns and faces him). Did you hear that Frank’s coming...
GREGORY: I know... doing some shows here.
AVA: To see me.
GREGORY: Yeah. So let’s just get this finished. Do the reshoot. One last scene. And at least that’s off your list.
AVA: (Smiles, nods) I guess I should apologise to Stanley…
GREGORY: (Nods) You’re right though. Dwight’s a fool to leave her. But in this, he does. So that’s what we do. We act.
AVA: (Smiles at him) Thanks for the reminder.
Blackout.
End of scene.
Scene Six
Lee Gordon at a mike in a spot downstage at West Melbourne Stadium.
LEE: Ladies and gentlemen! My name is Lee Gordon, the promoter of this show! Tonight… direct from the U.S.A., Melbourne let’s hear it for… the world’s greatest singer… Mr Frank Sinatra!!!
Frank comes on with a genial smile and sings Time Stood Still:
HAPPY
I THOUGHT THAT I WAS HAPPY
'TIL YOU CAME ALONG AND SHOWED ME
WHAT I'D BEEN MISSING
I CONFESS
THAT I FEARED FOR MY HAPPINESS
KNOWING I'D HAVE TO TRUST MY HEART
TO SOME-ONE NEW
SOME-ONE LIKE YOU…UNTIL…THAT DAY
THAT TIME STOOD STILL
FACES
ON THE PEOPLE GOIN' PLACES
SUDDENLY THEY STOPPED AND FROZE IN TIME
FOR JUST A MOMENT
WHILE I ZOOMED IN
INTO THE ROOM YOU WERE IN
AND I GOT TO SEE YOUR LOVELY FACE
IN CLOSE-UP VIEW
TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE…THAT THRILL…THAT DAY
THAT TIME STOOD STILL
The band goes into an instrumental section… Ava enters the auditorium… and a spot picks her out and follows her all the way down the aisle as the audience cheer adoringly at her. She sits daintily basking in the adulation… every bit the showbiz goddess!
FROM THAT MOMENT ON
YOU KNOW I WAS TOTALLY GONE
FROM THAT MOMENT ON THE ONLY ONE WAS YOU
WHAT COULD I DO…THAT THRILL…THAT DAY
THAT TIME STOOD STILL
TIME STOOD STILL
REMEMBER THAT DAY
REMEMBER THAT THRILL
TIME STOOD STILL
REMEMBER THAT DAY
I REMEMBER THAT DAY
TIME, TIME STOOD STILL
The audience applauds wildly. Spot fades on Ava and Joe quietly joins her, sitting beside her. Frank continues on stage.
FRANK: Ladies and gentlemen thank you. Now in honour of our latecomer, Miss Ava Gardner, we might do a song from off the list. Last year I recorded an album with Nelson Riddle called Only The Lonely… which is all about heartbreak, frankly. The next song didn’t make the cut but I like it very much anyway. So it’s just me and my guitarist Jimmy Wyble… take it away Tex.
Jimmy plays. He sings You Can’t Tell the Weather, singing some of it to Ava.
I WISH THAT IT WOULD RAIN
UPON THIS WINDOW PANE
AND HELP ME TO DISGUISE
THE TEARS THAT ARE IN MY EYES
FOR THE DREAMS THAT WON’T COME TRUE
BUT YOU CAN’T TELL THE WEATHER WHAT TO DO
STILL I GO AND WISH FOR A LIGHTNING STRIKE
TO TEAR APART THE NIGHT
AND BLIND ME IN THE DARK
TO THE PAIN TEARING AT MY HEART
FOR THE PLANS THAT WON’T COME THROUGH
BUT YOU CAN’T TELL THE WEATHER WHAT TO DO
I HAVE NO CHOICE, I HAVE NO VOICE
FROM CRYING TO THE NIGHT TIME SKIES
I HAVE NO POWER, IT’S MY DARKEST HOUR
AND NO-ONE CAN HEAR ME
NOW THE STORM HAS COME AND PASSED
THE SUN IS OUT AT LAST
LIGHTING UP THE SCENE
AN OTHERWORLDY GREEN
BUT I CAN’T ENJOY THE SHOW
I TELL THE SUN WHERE IT CAN GO
THE WAY OF DREAMS THAT WON’T COME TRUE
BUT YOU CAN’T TELL THE WEATHER WHAT TO DO
WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO
AVA: (Sighs) Oh, Frank…
Lights fade to blackout.
End of scene.
Scene Seven
The Mocambo Club entrance. There’s a knot of excited people outside… fans, autograph hunters, press. Neil and Horace are there too. Joe escorts Ava through the crowd. Neil gets in a question before Ava sees who it is.
NEIL: Miss Gardner, what do you think of Melbourne?
AVA: (Over shoulder) Right now? Hot.
Horace shoots a shot, flashbulb goes off.
AVA: (Hand to eyes) Oh….
Ava runs inside… but Joe is still caught up outside. Neil speaks to Joe.
NEIL: Joe! Joe! Neil Jillett! Sydney Morning Herald! Remember I wrote that review of your show at the Muso’s Club!
JOE: Yeah, I remember… I’ve been trying to forget.
NEIL: What are you doing with Ava Gardner..?
JOE: Well… she likes the way I sing. Unlike some people.
NEIL: So what’s she really like?
JOE: Better than you press bastards could ever imagine.
NEIL: What does she think of Melbourne?
Joe starts to go.
JOE: (Over shoulder) How am I supposed to know? Me, I like Melbourne. Unlike some Sydneysiders I know. One of my mates up there reckons they picked the perfect place to make a film about the end of the world. (Beat) Listen, why don’t you leave her alone? You’re driving her fucking crazy…
Joe disappears inside the club. In the same moment Frank arrives with
entourage. Neil turns and sees him.
NEIL: There he is Horace!
There’s a crazy crowd of press jockeying for positions as Sinatra and entourage plough through throwing punches and yanking cameras. Horace’s flash bulb goes off. Frank pushes his way towards Neil who stands his ground, and Frank winds up for a haymaker… but Neil ducks and the punch connects with Horace who staggers back and falls. There’s an Oooh! from the crowd, but Frank keeps shoving and goes into the club.
Lighting change to interior of the club. Inside, Franks runs straight into Ava.
FRANK: Baby!!!
AVA: Frank!!!
They kiss.
FRANK: Glad to see me!
AVA: Of course! I guess. Kinda! I mean yeah!!
FRANK: Is that a definite yes??
AVA: Sure, Frank.
A Latin band starts swinging onstage (the Cats re-costumed). It’s the Three Graces… Grace, Joy and Bella, doing a dance routine around Vespas as they sing Latin Italian Jazz. And Joe leaps up on stage.
TAKE A PIANO ACCORDION AND A MANDOLIN
ADD SOME GYPSY VIOLIN
THROW IT ALL IN AND GIVE IT A SPIN
AND YOU HAVE
LATIN ITALIAN JAZZ
LATIN ITALIAN JAZZ
GUITARS AND DRUMS TO MAKE IT SWING
BRASS AND REEDS TO ADD SOME STING
THEN THROW IN THAT WHOLE BRAZILIAN THING
FOR PIZZAZZ
LATIN ITALIAN JAZZ
LATIN ITALIAN JAZZ
A NEAPOLITAN MELODY
TAKES YOU TO THE ISLAND OF CAPRI
A BLUE WIND BLOWING ACROSS THE SEA
FROM AFRICA
MUSIC IS A MELTING POT
A BRAVE NEW WORLD WHERE COOL IS HOT
I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND THAT IT’S NOT SO HARD TO DO
IT’S A SHIVER RUNNING DOWN YOUR SPINE
IT’S MISS MOCAMBO ‘FIFTY-NINE
C’MON EVERYBODY NOW’S THE TIME
SO LET’S DANCE
LATIN ITALIAN JAZZ
LATIN ITALIAN JAZZ
Joe sees Ava and comes down off stage smiling at her. She motions Joe to sit with them and pours him a glass of wine.
FRANK: And who’s this? You moonlighting as a babysitter Ava?
AVA: This is Joe. My friend.
They shake hands.
FRANK: Hi kid, how’s it’s going?
JOE: Everything plus, Mr S.
Joe pours Frank a drink and he raises it in a toast. Frank eyes Joe as a rival… but hides it in bonhomie…
FRANK: After singing we eat spaghetti! Here’s to the end of the world! May it have music as good as this and women as pretty as these! And plenty of booze at a reasonable price!
AVA & JOE: To the end of the world! (Clink glasses)
The MC takes to the stage.
MC: And now it’s time for the presentation of Miss Mocambo 1959! I see a certain Signor Sinatra has honoured us with his presence here tonight. Sir, could I ask you please to present the sash to the winner?
FRANK: Well… since you ask so politely…
He grins and gets up, and the audience applauds. Frank jumps up on the stage.
JOE: (To Ava) You OK?
AVA: (Shrugs) Frank’s still Frank.
The MC hands Frank an envelope and he opens it.
FRANK: And the winner is… oh, now here’s a nice Italian name… (audience laughs) Miss Grace Graziano!!
With a squeal of happiness, Grace jumps back on the stage and kisses Frank on
the cheek.
GRACE: Mr Sinatra! Sash me please!
FRANK: With pleasure baby!!
They all laugh. He slips the sash on her. Ava calls out…
AVA: Watch out Grace… next thing he’ll be trying to get it off you! With interest!
All laugh.
GRACE: And now… Signor Sinatra… would you be so kind as to join us for a song? Per favore…
FRANK: Well, you see Gracie, it’s been kind of a long day…
GRACE: We may never get this chance again…
FRANK: Usually it’s me saying that to a woman, not the other way around!!
AVA: (Yells) Ain’t that the truth!!!
The audience laughs.
GRACE: (Sweetly) Please…. sing for us…
Frank smiles, nods and sings Enjoy, dancing with the three Graces… but especially with Grace, who laughs happily and flirtily. Ava watches… yep, same old Frank.
THERE’S A NEW MOVE ON THE EDGE OF THE SECTOR
A NEW GROOVE SHOWN UP ON THE DETECTOR
IT CALLS TO YOU TO JOIN THE COLLECTIVE
BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON
SO THE PLAN IS THAT WE GO UNDERCOVER
AND WE BLEND IN WITH THE STUFF WE DISCOVER
WHEN THE BAND COMES ON, ACT LIKE WE'RE LOVERS
AND WE’LL DANCE 'TIL THE CATS COME HOME
ENJOY THE FACT WE'RE FREE
ENJOY THAT IT'S YOU AND ME
IF YOU'RE READY TO PLAY
THEN I’M HAPPY TO BE YOUR TOY, YOUR TOY
I DON'T KNOW IF IT’S BLACK OR WHITE
I DON'T KNOW IF IT’S WRONG OR RIGHT
THIS COULD BE THE REAL McCOY
SO ENJOY…ENJOY...ENJOY!
Frank takes off his jacket and tosses it on the stage.
IT’S A NEW CRAZE LET’S YOU SPIN ON YOUR SPIRAL
A NEW PHASE LIKE THE GROOVE IN YOUR VINYL
IT FEELS SO FINE BUT IT COULD WELL BE FINAL
AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON
SO HOLD ME WHILE WE SPIN ROUND THE FLOOR
AND BABY SHOW ME WHAT THE MUSIC IS FOR
WHEN THE BAND GOES OFF, WE'LL BEG THEM FOR MORE
SO WE CAN DANCE 'TIL THE CATS COME HOME
ENJOY THE FACT WE'RE FREE
ENJOY THAT IT'S YOU AND ME
IF YOU'RE READY TO PLAY
THEN I’M HAPPY TO BE YOUR TOY YOUR TOY
I DON'T KNOW IF IT’S BLACK OR WHITE
I DON'T KNOW IF IT’S WRONG OR RIGHT
THIS COULD BE THE REAL McCOY
SO ENJOY…ENJOY!
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S DAY OR NIGHT
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT
BUT THIS COULD BE THE REAL McCOY
SO ENJOY…ENJOY...LET’S ENJOY…LET’S ENJOY!
The crowd applauds wildly and Frank and the Graces bow and share a smile.
FRANK: Thank you! (To crowd) Somebody once asked me how I hold a note that long! Dean Martin taught me the secret. Dino said “respiro con il culo”… which you all know is… “I breathe through my ass!”
AVA: (Yells) Yeah, and sometimes you talk through it too!
FRANK: Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Miss Ava Gardner!
The crowd applauds and cheers, acknowledged by Ava.
FRANK: Now I’d like to introduce to the stage my promoter Lee Gordon. Lee and I go way back… Ava and I first met him in’47 when he was the booker at the Tropicana in Havana.
Now this song is a little parable for kids that jump in the deep end… and find the pool’s full of sharks.
He looks pointedly at Joe. Frank and Lee sing The Cutting Room Floor.
I WORRY, THAT’S WHAT I DO
AND I ONLY WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU
AND IT’S HARD TO DO NOTHING AT ALL
BUT SIT BACK AND WATCH WHILE YOU HEAD FOR A FALL
NOW IN THE MOVIES THERE’S ALWAYS A STAR
AND THE STARS ALWAYS KNOW WHO THEY ARE
IT’S MUCH BETTER THEY’RE SEEN FROM AFAR
OOH YOU’LL GET CAUGHT UP IN ALL KINDS OF FUSS
THEY DON’T PLAY BY THE SAME RULES AS US
YOU’LL GET HEARTACHE AND HEARTBREAK AND MORE
THEN YOU’LL END UP ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR
THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR
THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR
YOU’LL END UP
DOWN ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR
The crowd applauds. Frank and Lee take a bow and shake hands.
FRANK: And so bouna notte, grazie for the wine and the welcome, but now I wish to be with my bella donna Ava, and knowing her, I may need to use that breathing technique again later!
The audience laughs and Ava laughs too. Frank picks up his jacket off the stage
and runs down and takes her hand… and they run off.
Joe starts to head for the door, looking worried. Grace takes him by the hand.
GRACE: Where are you going?
JOE: I’m worried about Ava. Things can get pretty stormy between her and Frank.
GRACE: She’s a big girl… And Joe you really don’t want to mess with Frank Sinatra. Come on....
In that moment she spots something on the stage. It’s the emerald necklace. She picks it up and looks at it.
The band plays a tight Latin jazz feel Island Interlude. Grace and Joe dance and everyone is on their feet dancing…
Blackout.
Curtain.
END OF ACT ONE.
ACT TWO
Scene One
Curtain up. Tight spot on Ava, dressed as per the last scene. Another spot up on Frank, in the back seat of a car with Ava. Low purr of its engine. RP of deserted late night streets of Melbourne. Soft musical accompaniment begins to play.
Ava sings Am I Still Beautiful to You.
AM I STILL BEAUTIFUL TO YOU
AM I STILL BEAUTIFUL TO YOU
THESE LAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN KIND… KIND OF TOUGH
AND I WAS WONDERING DO THEY SHOW
‘CAUSE I’M FINALLY AT THAT STAGE
WHERE I KEEP FINDING LINES OF AGE
YOU USED TO LOVE GAZING LONG INTO MY FACE
AND I WAS WONDERING DO YOU STILL
ALL THE YEARS
OF LAUGHTER AND TEARS
DON’T JUST DISAPPEAR
WITHOUT LEAVING THEIR SUBTLE TRACES
AND EVERY LITTLE SCAR
IS PART OF WHAT WE ARE
REVEALING THE PLOT SO FAR
WRITTEN CLEARLY ON OUR FACES
AM I STILL BEAUTIFUL TO YOU
FRANK: YES YOU’RE STILL BEAUTIFUL TO ME
IS THIS THE FACE THAT YOU ONCE KNEW
FRANK: THE LOVELIEST FACE I E’ER DID SEE
I’M NOT TRYING TO HANG ON TO MY YOUTH
FRANK: HANG ON TO ME
AVA: CAN I TRUST YOU TO TRUST ME WITH THE TRUTH
AM I STILL BEAUTIFUL TO YOU?
FRANK: YES YOU’RE STILL BEAUTIFUL TO ME
AVA: STILL BEAUTIFUL TO YOU?
FRANK: Never ask me that again.
She smiles. He kisses her. They’re suddenly illuminated by the flash of a photograph being taken. There’s the sound of a car roaring away.
FRANK: Goddam…
AVA & FRANK: Assholes!!!
Blackout.
End of scene.
Scene Two
Ava’s flat in South Yarra. Ava runs laughing on to centrestage in a slip.
AVA: Get that thing away from me!! (Laughs) Oh God I’ve missed that thing!! Gimme that thing!! I want that thing!!
FRANK (OFF): Ava, the thing is all hands on deck… but the man behind the thing is kinda beat after six hours!
AVA: But… Frank… we’ve barely got started!!
FRANK (OFF): Baby it’s 7am and I got a show tonight!
AVA: Just a little more thing and you can sleep like a baby!!
Frank enters in a pair of briefs. Ava does a graceful, mock balletic run to
him and they entwine in an embrace.
AVA: OK. OK. Coffee break time then. Irish?
FRANK: Is there any other kind?
She goes to a sideboard and starts making coffees. Frank sees the morning paper
under the door. He picks it up and idly looks at it and starts to laugh.
AVA: What is it?
She walks over and looks. But her reaction is fear…
AVA: Oh… God….
FRANK: What? That blurry photo could be anyone kissing in back of a car anywhere. Jimmy Hoffa and Marilyn Monroe for all you can tell…
AVA: It’s not that… the headline quotes me saying “Ava calls Melbourne the end of the earth”.
FRANK: So? You told it like it is.
AVA: But, I never said it… it was something Joe said to a few friends… so how that reporter could get that… I don’t know… maybe Joe…? And, now the people in Melbourne are gonna hate me even more.
FRANK: Screw them. Who cares?
AVA: But... I guess maybe I do care a bit… they’re not all bad… I’ve met some nice people here, especially in the last week…
FRANK: (Pause) So, what kind of “nice people”?
AVA: Oh… musicians, singers… you know how I always like singers…
They sing You Know What We’re Like…
FRANK: THAT SINGER…THAT GUY JOE
HE SEEMS VERY FOND OF YOU
AVA: WELL I ’M FOND OF HIM TOO
FRANK: I WAS WONDERING, AVA BABY… JUST HOW FOND ?
AVA: DON’T START FRANK !
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
A COUPLE OF ANIMALS JUMPING INTO THE FRAY
I BECOME A CRAZY ALLEY CAT
YOU BECOME A DIRTY OLD SEWER RAT
WE CAN’T STOP FIGHTING ‘CAUSE THAT’S THE WAY WE PLAY
WE CAN’T HELP FIGHTIN’ AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY
AVA: AND WHAT ABOUT YOU FRANK ?
WITH THAT MISS MOCAMBO
YOUR EYES WERE OUT ON STALKS
AND SO WERE YOUR PANTS
I SAW THAT SHUFFLE, THAT SILLY LITTLE DANCE
ADJUSTING THAT THING IN YOUR PANTS
FRANK: OOOH DON’T START AVA !
F&A: YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
IT’S THE DEVIL INSIDE THAT LEADS US BOTH ASTRAY
JEALOUSY LIKE A CURSE
THE PASSION ONLY MAKES IT WORSE
WE CAN’T STOP FIGHTING ‘CAUSE THAT’S THE WAY WE PLAY
WE CAN’T HELP FIGHTIN’ AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY
Dream style action sequence on the other side of the stage… with Fred and Grace doing an apache dance, a mock fight between lovers… with Joe scatting along…
F&A YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
A COUPLE OF MONGRELS SCRAPPING IN THE ALLEYWAY
THE FUR WILL START TO FLY
I CAN’T AFFORD A BLACKENED EYE
WE CAN’T STOP FIGHTING ‘CAUSE THAT’S THE WAY WE PLAY
WE CAN’T HELP FIGHTIN’ AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY
WE CAN’T HELP FIGHTIN’ AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY
WE CAN’T HELP FIGHTIN’ AND IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE LIKE
In the dance, the woman wins the fight by KO-ing the man… she struts off leaving him lying on the floor…
Blackout.
End of Scene.
Scene Three
Rehearsal at Muttering Lodge for the wrap party. Joe and the Melbourne Cats and Bella and Joy are at a table watching Ava, tired, in sunglasses, giving a press conference on a black and white TV. Full screen of interview.
REPORTER: Did you say that about Melbourne, Miss Gardner?
AVA: No, I didn’t.
REPORTER #2: Then who did?
AVA: You’d have to ask Mr Jillett that.
REPORTER #3: But he says you did!
AVA: (Shrugs) Reporters get stuff wrong all the time.
REPORTER #2: That’s a pretty big thing to get wrong.
AVA: It is, isn’t it.
REPORTER#2: Are you saying Neil Jillett lied about that quote?
AVA: Well I sure didn’t say it. Though now I kinda wish I had. Actually… I think it’s pretty funny.
A gasp from the reporters.
REPORTER: You think it’s funny.
AVA: Yeah, honey. Don’t you? Or is that too much of a stretch?
It’s funny you don’t think it’s funny. You’re so afraid!
What of? Being nothing? Being nowhere? Ciro’s, the Mocambo… the Cat’s Cradle... It’s imitation Hollywood. Hollywood’s a tawdry, shallow shithole anyway. (Gasp in room) Melbourne’s got great music, gorgeous girls on Vespas, rows of Victorian houses, those cute little green trams. It’s wonderful. Just be who you are. Grow up. And then the stupid jokes won’t hurt. It’s not the end of the world. The world’s round in case you didn’t notice. It’s got no end.
The Cats all applaud.
CATS: Go Ava!! Yeah!!
But Joe flicks off the TV.
BELLA: Ava’ll be here soon. What do we say to her?
JOY: That she’s right. And Jillett’s wrong. Making that stuff up.
JOE: (Pauses) Hang on, where’s Grace? She should be here by now. And wasn’t Flip going to be here?
BELLA: Didn’t you know? He’s gone missing.
There’s the sound of a car Off, and Ava walks in briskly.
AVA: No need to apologise Joe. I know it must have been you.
JOE: How would you know that??
AVA: Who else could it be? What happened?
JOE: It was… outside the Mocambo last night. It was crazy … I got stuck near Jillett and he was trying to pump me, for anything. I just said it in passing… as a joke… I didn’t mean anything by it. And I sure didn’t say that you said it!
AVA: (Pause) Forget it honey. I’ve met a million guys like that low-life. Come on Mr Looney Tunes, let’s get to work…
JOE: What’s the song?
AVA: Stop Searching for Love. I’ll either do that or the mirror number.
TO LOVE AND BE LOVED
IS LIKE THE HOLY GRAIL
SEEMS LIKE FOREVER
I'D BEEN ON ITS TRAIL
BUT YEARS ON THE ROPES
HAD KINDA DASHED MY WEARY HOPES
THOUGHT I MAY AS WELL
STOP SEARCHING FOR LOVE
'CAUSE IN MY SEARCH FOR A PRINCE
I'VE HAD TO KISS TOO MANY FROGS
OUT THERE IN CLUBLAND
IT'S LIKE DOGS EATIN' DOGS
BUT MY QUEST IS OVER NOW
AND I CAN ROLL IN CLOVER NOW
SEEMS I MAY AS WELL
STOP SEARCHING FOR LOVE
THE SEARCH FOR LOVE
IS A LONELY ROAD
I COULD NEVER SEEM TO EVER SEE THE END
WE ALL NEED A FRIEND
AND SHELTER FROM THE WIND
AND A KIND HEART TO WARM WITH BY THE FIRE
She snuggles up to Joe….
NOW I HAVE A HOME TO COME HOME TO
WHEN DARKNESS FALLS
WITH ROSES AND HOLLYHOCKS
TO DECK THESE HALLS
WHEN I TAKE A LOOK AROUND ME
I CAN SEE MY PRINCE HAS FOUND ME
She stands up again…
AND I MAY AS WELL STOP SEARCHING FOR LOVE
YES I MAY AS WELL STOP SEARCHING FOR LOVE
SEARCHING FOR LOVE etc
I MAY AS WELL STOP.
Ava finishes singing, and the others see there are tears in her eyes.
Lights fade to blackout. End of Scene.
Scene Four
Late afternoon. Frank is dressed in suit pants and shirt and knotting his tie. There’s a knock on his hotel room door.
FRANK: Yes?
A Hotel worker opens the door a little.
WORKER: Mr Sinatra. A young lady to see you sir.
FRANK: She got a name, kid?
WORKER: (Stumbles) Miss Grace Graz… ee.. arno…
FRANK: Send her in, thanks.
WORKER: Yes Mr Sinatra.
A moment later Grace enters, looking somewhat overawed. The door closes behind her.
FRANK: Pour us a couple of drinks… er Miss Mocambo…
GRACE: Please call me Grace.
She looks around and sees drinks on a side table and goes to it. He goes back to
knotting his tie.
GRACE: Scotch?
FRANK: Thanks.
GRACE: Water? Ice?
FRANK: Keep that shit away from my Scotch.
She laughs at that.
FRANK: You’ve got a nice laugh. It tickles.
She smiles and pours herself a soda water, and brings the drinks over to him.
GRACE: I suppose you’re wondering why’ve I come.
FRANK: I try not to wonder too hard.
She reaches into her purse and takes out the emerald necklace.
GRACE: I found it on the stage last night.
She hands it to him.
FRANK: Hey. Thanks. I got it from Joseff of Hollywood.
GRACE: For Ava?
FRANK: For Ava and a day... Yeah. I didn’t even realise I’d lost it…
GRACE: Now you can give it to her.
FRANK: (Pauses) If she’ll take it.
GRACE: Why wouldn’t she?
FRANK: With her… you never can tell..
GRACE: I think it’s a beautiful gift. She’ll love it.
FRANK: I’m glad you think so. Say, have you got a moment?
GRACE: Yes, Mr Sinatra?
FRANK: Please call me Frank.
GRACE: OK Frank.
FRANK: You’re Ava’s stand-in on the movie, right?
GRACE: Yes. I am.
FRANK: Then, would you mind?
GRACE: What?
FRANK: If I tried it on you.
GRACE: (Teasing) Tried what on me?
He laughs.
FRANK: Just the necklace.
She smiles at that. He walks her up to the mirror, and then standing behind her, slowly puts the necklace on her, and they both admire it in the mirror.
GRACE: Beautiful.
FRANK: Yeah.
Blackout.
End of scene.
Scene Five
Ciro’s Nightclub. It is the wrap party for “On The Beach”. Ava, Fred, Gregory, Stanley Kramer and others mingle with other guests. Joe enters singing Somebody Drops A Bomb and people dance along.
THE JOINT IS JUMPING
AND THE BAND IS ON THE FLY
THEY SEEM TO BE HOVERING JUST ABOVE THE FLOOR
AND SO DO I
CHECK YOUR WORRIES WITH YOUR COATS AND HATS
PLENTY OF ROOM FOR SWINGIN’ CATS
BOP-BOPPING ALONG
TO A POPULAR SONG
THEN SOMEBODY DROPS A BOMB
SOMEBODY DROPS A BOMB
Frank enters, singing. Joe is surprised… not expecting it.
FRANK: CHECK OUT THE COUPLA DREAMBOATS
FALLING IN LOVE AT THE END OF THE BAR
SHE’S THINKING ‘BOUT LETTING HIM IN
AND HE’S WONDERING JUST HOW FAR
THEN IN WALKS THE SPECTRE OF SOME-ONE’S EX
KINDA LIKE THE MOTHER IN OEDIPUS REX
AND THE MOMENT IS GONE
AND THE BATTLE IS ON
TOGETHER: ‘CAUSE SOMEBODY DROPS A BOMB
SOMEBODY DROPS A BOMB
Fred leaps up on stage and starts dancing along while Joe scats.
JOE: WHILE WE’VE BEEN DANCING
HALF OF THE WORLD’S BEEN FAST ASLEEP
FRANK: NOT THINKIN’ ‘BOUT NUCLEAR BOMBS
AND THE FRAGILE PEACE WE KEEP
JOE: BUT ONE LITTLE MISSILE FROM OUT OF THE EAST
IS ALL IT WOULD TAKE TO UNLEASH THE BEAST
FRANK: B-47’S AND 52’S
NO GOIN’ BACK ONCE YOU’VE LIT THE FUSE
ALL: B-47’S AND 52’S
NO GOING BACK ONCE YOU LIT THE FUSE
B-47’S AND 52’S
SOMEBODY DROPS A BOMB
Applause. Bows. Frank and Fred rejoin the party.
JOE: Good evening everyone. I’m Joe Lane and welcome to Ciro’s Nightclub and the party at the end of the world! If fact, this is the party after the end of the world! So the good times just roll on forever, right!!
FRED: (Calls) Yeah. The afterlife doesn’t seem so bad after all!
The crowd laughs.
JOE: And now a few words not from our sponsor… but scarier, your director… Mr Stanley Kramer!
Stanley Kramer takes the stage.
STANLEY: Good evening everyone. I just want to thank you all for sticking with a tough shoot, so far from civilisation… hell, they can’t even spell martini here, much less mix one!
Laughs.
STANLEY: Though I did get a taste for meat pies.
Laughs.
STANLEY: You all did yourselves proud. It’s going to be quite a picture. See you all at the premieres. And ladies – don’t wear black.
Laughs. Joe takes the mike as Stanley returns to the crowd.
JOE: And now we transport your senses to the blessed isles of Hawaii, in the musical caresses of… The Three Graces!!
They enter in Hawaiian costumes singing ‘26 & ‘29 & ’32 and dancing a Hawaiian routine:
OUR FATHER WAS A SAILOR
OUT UPON THE OCEAN BLUE
HE CAME THREE TIMES TO AUSTRALIA
FROM HIS HOME IN HONOLULU
HE HOOKED UP WITH OUR MOTHER
AND HE SURE KNEW WHAT TO DO
IN ’26 AND ’29 AND THEN AGAIN IN ‘32
OUR MOTHER LOVES THE MUSIC OF HAWAII
HEY, DON’T YOU?
HE TAUGHT HER ALL THE SONGS
AND ALL THE HULA MOVES HE KNEW
SHE LOVED HIS UKULELE
AND HIS WIKI-WIKI-WU
IN ’26 AND ’29 AND THEN AGAIN IN ‘32
AND I
JUST WANNA GO AND SEE THOSE FRIENDLY ISLES
SEE THOSE FRIENDLY SMILES
ON A WARM HAWAIIAN NIGHT
OUR MOTHER KEEPS A PICTURE
OF OUR DADDY BY THE BED
SHE KISSES HIM EACH NIGHT
AS SHE LAYS DOWN HER WEARY HEAD
SHE MISSES HIM SO BADLY
AND THE GOOD TIMES THAT THEY KNEW
IN ’26 AND ’29 AND THEN AGAIN IN ‘32
OOH OOH OOH OOH
They bow and come offstage down and rejoin the party, and Ava greets Grace.
AVA: Nice song. Is it true?
GRACE: Yes. Our dad was an American sailor…visited Melbourne three times… thus the three Graces…
AVA: Hah…
GRACE: But… then… his number came up… at Pearl Harbour… we never saw him again.
AVA: (Reaches for her) Oh, Grace…
GRACE: It’s OK… so long ago now… we hardly knew him…
AVA: But still, he was your dad. And you only get one of those.
Joe joins them.
JOE: Sorry ladies… Flip still hasn’t turned up… I’m very worried about him now…
GRACE: That really isn’t like him…
AVA: I’m concerned I might have humiliated him the other night… a Gypsy’s pride is a delicate thing.
Gregory Peck approaches Ava and they turn and speak alone.
GREGORY: So when are you leaving?
AVA: Tomorrow I think.
GREGORY: What about Frank?
AVA: I don’t know when he’s going.
GREGORY: (Pauses) So what about Frank?
AVA: And me?
GREGORY: Yeah.
AVA: You tell me.
GREGORY: No Ava. You tell me.
She eyes him, thinking. Meanwhile, Frank is scanning the room for Ava, when of all people Neil Jillett sidles in.
FRANK: You! What the hell you doing here, you jerk!
NEIL: The paper was invited.
FRANK: Oh yeah? And give me one reason why I shouldn’t punch you in the nose, you lying hound!
NEIL: I’ve come to apologise to Ava.
FRANK: Horse shit.
NEIL: I never meant to… with the quote about her and the end of the world. I mentioned it in a telex to my boss, that someone had said it. They obviously found the temptation too great, and pinned it on Ava. I feel like a creep.
FRANK: Congratulations on getting one thing right.
NEIL: Can I see her?
FRANK: You’re lucky you saw me first. I might just slug you. She’d eat you alive and spit out the pips. So why don’t you get the hell outta here. While you still can.
NEIL: Will you tell her please, Mr Sinatra?
FRANK: Sure. I’ll tell her. If you beat it now and never come back.
NEIL: Thanks. Well… bye… But I’ve just got one more question Mr Sinatra…
FRANK: What?
At that moment Horace enters and his flash goes off.
FRANK: (Enraged) Why… you bums!!!
Horace and Neil run off.
JOE: And now ladies and gentlemen… introducing the divine Miss Ava Gardner… and the divine Miss Grace Graziano.
The lights go down to blackout as the band plays an intro while a maze of
dressing room mirrors is brought on…
Then lights up on Ava and Grace in identical outfits involving Joe in a number
reaching for what he expects but never finds in the mirrors as Ava sings
The Stranger In The Mirror. Frank watches along with the rest of the party.
THERE’S A STRANGER IN THE MIRROR
WHO STARES INTO YOUR EYES
SHE DARES YOU TO COME NEARER
AND SEE THRU HER DISGUISE
WHAT MAKES THAT FACE SEEM SO FAMILIAR
SHADOWS OF SOME OLD SAD AFFAIR
THE SCENT OF DANGER
COMES WITH THE STRANGER
THE SENSE OF SECRETS THERE
BUT THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR
WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHERE YOU RUN
THE FACE OF YOUR EXPERIENCE
THE STRANGER YOU’VE BECOME
WHAT MAKES THIS SONG FEEL SO FAMILIAR
ECHOES OF SOME OLD SAD AFFAIR
PAINT ON WITH MAKE-UP
A SMILE YOU CAN FAKE UP
THEN TURN AND MOVE AWAY
BUT THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR
WILL THERE NO MATTER WHERE YOU RUN
THE FACE OF YOUR EXPERIENCE
THE STRANGER YOU’VE BECOME
THE STRANGER YOU’VE BECOME
THE STRANGER YOU’VE BECOME
On the last line Frank and Ava make eye contact… and then Frank nods and walks away, motioning to Joe.
The others applaud the song and Ava and Grace do a fun little turn impersonating each other as they take bows.
Meanwhile, Joe joins Frank at the edge of the light. Frank pulls out a flick knife. Joe looks at it, surprised and a bit afraid.
JOE: Frank??
Frank flicks open the blade.
JOE: (Worried) What’s going on?
FRANK: Here. Take it.
Frank hands the knife to Joe, and takes out another one and flicks the blade open. Joe stares at it… and fears the worst…
FRANK: This time we’re gonna make sure that reporter and his stoopid photographer don’t have a tyre left to drive on.
Joe gets it, nods and grins relief. They exit.
As Ava and Grace come offstage, the others kiss and hug them…
AVA: And… what’s happened to our MC?
At the same moment a stage hand comes into the party.
STAGE HAND: Joe! Phone!
There’s no response at first.
STAGE HAND: Joe!!!
Joe re-enters at a run and goes off with Stage Hand backstage.
GRACE: What’s going on?
AVA: No idea… but it sounds a bit serious.
He reappears moments later in a state of shock as the others approach.
AVA: What was all that about?
JOE: A body’s… been found… with Gypsy Flip’s wallet in the jacket pocket. We gotta go and identify the body...
AVA: Jesus…
Fred and Greg walk up and join the conversation.
JOE: We gotta go the morgue…
FRED: I love a good morgue. Wherever I go I like to visit the morgue. They have a beautiful old Victorian one here.
AVA: Fred you’re even wonderfully weirder than I thought. What about you Greg?
GREGORY: I was planning on going to the morgue just the once. With a tag on my toe.
FRED: Come on Greg… time you lost your morgue virginity.
Lights fade to blackout.
End of scene.
Scene Six
The city morgue. There are slabs on the floor, one with a body under a sheet.
The glamorous looking group gets ushered in by a neat, composed
Assistant… Joe, and Ava and Grace (still in identical costumes) Fred, Gregory,
Bella, Joy as well as the Cats carrying their instruments.
ASSISTANT: And… who will be identifying the body?
The others all look at Ava.
AVA: Me, I guess. I knew him a bit.
ASSISTANT: Thank you madam. And your name, please?
JOE: (Amazed) Really? Oh… come on…
AVA: (Simply) Ava Gardner.
ASSISTANT: Relationship to the deceased?
AVA: Friend.
ASSISTANT: Thank you. Go ahead then please, Miss Gardner.
The others cluster around as Ava takes a deep breath and prepares herself, and
then slowly draws back the covering from the face. But it’s not Gypsy Flip.
AVA: Hey… that’s… not him!!
ASSISTANT: What???
At that moment Flip walks in. The others all rush to him.
JOE: Flip!! Flip!! You’re alive!!
OTHERS: Flip!! What happened???
AVA: (Hugging him) We were so worried… We thought…
FLIP: (Smiles) After the other night… I ran off and got horribly drunk… I lost my wallet… and ended up sleeping on the beach at Frankston…
AVA: Oh, Flip…
FLIP: Spent a while wandering, kind of dazed… Then a nice person brought me back to the city… and the police sent me here to get my wallet… and now I find you all here!
Lighting change to “dream/heightened sequence”, and the Cats start playing
while top hats and canes are tossed in for Fred and Gregory who sing and do a
soft shoe shuffle routine around the morgue as Joe and Flip sing Right On The
Night. As they dance, they’re joined in the routine by two of the bodies, with
tags on their toes. The others join the dance.
DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR LIFE AWAY
TRYIN’ TO FIGURE WHAT NOTES TO PLAY
HOW YOU’RE GONNA FIND YOUR WAY
FROM A TO G…C’MON
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT, IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT ON THE NIGHT
AND THERE’LL BE PLENTY’A TIME
FOR ALL OF THAT WORRYIN’
WHEN WE’RE GONE, WHEN WE’RE DEAD AND GONE
WHEN WE’RE GONE
WHY GET HUNG UP ON SOME OLD ROMANCE
WHY WOULD YOU PUT ON THOSE ANXIOUS PANTS
TAKE A CHANCE AND BABY
DANCE YOUR ANGST AWAY…C’MON
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT, IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT ON THE NIGHT
AND THERE’LL BE PLENTY‘A TIME
FOR ALL OF THAT WORRYING
WHEN WE’RE GONE, WHEN WE’RE DEAD AND GONE
‘CAUSE TIME’S TOO PRECIOUS AND LIFE’S TOO PRECIOUS
AND TIME KEEPS TICKING AWAY
GRAB EVERY MINUTE AND LIVE IT TO THE LIMIT
AND TO HELL WITH JUDGEMENT DAY
WHEN THE REAPER KNOCKS AT YOUR DOOR
OR WHEN YOUR HEART DON’T WANNA BEAT NO MORE
OR WHEN THEY TELL YOU THEY STARTED
WORLD WAR THREE…C’MON
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT, IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT ON THE NIGHT
AND THERE’LL BE PLENTY’A TIME
FOR ALL OF THAT HOOEY
WHEN WE’RE GONE, WHEN WE’RE GONE
DEAD AND GONE
‘CAUSE TIME’S TOO PRECIOUS AND LIFE’S TOO PRECIOUS
AND TIME KEEPS TICKING AWAY
GRAB EVERY MINUTE AND LIVE IT TO THE LIMIT
AND TO HELL WITH JUDGEMENT DAY
SO WHEN THE REAPER KNOCKS AT YOUR DOOR
OR WHEN YOUR HEART DON’T WANNA BEAT NO MORE
OR WHEN THEY TELL YOU THEY STARTED
WORLD WAR THREE…WATCH OUT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT, IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT ON THE NIGHT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT, IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT
IT’S GONNA BE RIGHT ON THE NIGHT
AND THERE’LL BE PLENTY’A TIME
FOR ALL OF THAT HOOEY
WHEN WE’RE GONE, WHEN WE’RE DEAD AND GONE
WHEN WE’RE GONE, WHEN WE’RE DEAD AND GONE
WHEN WE’RE GONE, WHEN WE’RE DEAD AND GONE
WHEN WE’RE GONE
They are stopped by the wail of an Italian woman who has identified the body thought to be of Flip as that of her son.
WOMAN: Oh my boy!! My Gianni!!
The dancing bodies slip back under sheets on their slabs. Lights snap back to former “normal” state.
JOE: Oh. Oh. We’re sorry madam.
AVA: Our deepest sympathies ma’am…
WOMAN: Oh… (squints) Mamma mia! Aren’t you Ava Gardner?? Oh, my Gianni, he was such a fan. And now he’s gone! (Wails) What am I gonna do?? (Beat) Miss Gardner I know this sounds strange. But could you possibly see your way clear to… sign his foot?
AVA: Sign… his foot…
WOMAN: Per favore, Signorina Ava. It’s what… Gianni would have wanted.
STANLEY: Well, go on Ava…
PECK: It won’t hurt…
FRED: …Him.
WOMAN: On the sole, please...
FRED: God rest his soul. (Shrugs at weak joke.)
The Assistant gives Ava a pen. She signs the sole of Gianni’s foot. As she does,
he starts to giggle.
GIANNI: Hey! That tickles!!
WOMAN: Gianni...?? Gianni!!!!
Gianni sits up. The Assistant faints.
WOMAN: My boy!!
He sees Ava at his feet.
GIANNI: Mamma… and… and… Ava Gardner?? No, I must have died and gone to heaven!
Ava grins and gives him a kiss on the cheek.
AVA: Welcome back Gianni!
GIANNI: Oh! I really am in heaven!
WOMAN: Oh thank you Miss Gardner!! Millegrazie!!
The others revive the Assistant, who gets to his feet shakily.
They hug everyone and say their goodbyes to Gianni and his mother and start to
walk off to the door. Lighting change…
GRACE: So Ava… is this goodbye? When are you leaving?
AVA: Tomorrow. But we can’t say our goodbyes in the city morgue. Why don’t you all come out to the airport at midday, to say goodbye? (Thinks) And maybe bring your passports… and your swimming trunks… just in case.
ALL: (Confused) What??
AVA: And ladies… bring your teensiest bikinis.
The all laugh excitedly. The band pick at a few notes of the tune as they walk
out. Fred and Gregory dance on to the sketched tune.
GREGORY: Charming, Mr Astaire.
FRED: Charmed, Mr Peck.
Flip dances with Ava… as Frank turns up out of nowhere and takes her hand from Flip, and gives her a twirl...
AVA: Frank… fancy meeting you here!
FRANK: I always find my way to the best joints in town, baby. You know that.
She laughs. They dance off…
Lights fade to blackout. End of scene.
Scene Seven
Ava and Frank sit on a beachside bench, looking out at the audience as if at Port Phillip Bay. She gestures to the audience.
AVA: See all that water out in the bay? So pretty with the moonlight on it. Well, there’s that water, and then more water, and then there’s Tasmania. Which is a big island. And, after that, last stop, Antarctica. Which is OK. If you like living with penguins.
FRANK: Well call me nuts but I prefer women. One woman in particular.
AVA: Don’t you think they’re cute?
FRANK: Penguins? No. But we could go over there… to… Tas…mania.
AVA: It’s probably just full of Tasmaniacs…
FRANK: (Pause) Ava. I got you something special.
He hands her a jewellery box. She opens it. It’s the emerald necklace.
AVA: Oh. It’s pretty. (She takes it out and hands it to him.) Well… Put it on me please.
He does, looking into her eyes.
AVA: So how’s it look?
FRANK: Perfect.
AVA: Thank you Frank.
He kisses her.
FRANK: I have a confession to make…
AVA: Well you are Italian.
FRANK: I… lost it. At the Mocambo Club. But luckily… Grace found it… and brought it to me…
AVA: And I guess you tried it on her.
FRANK: Only the necklace.
AVA: Bullshit Frank.
FRANK: And what about you and Joe?
AVA: Oh, screw Joe!
FRANK: You did?
AVA: Nah. We just fooled round a bit. He’s a kid.
She pauses and looks out at the Bay.
FRANK: Ava. I’m not going back without you.
AVA: (Pause) Yes you are.
FRANK: Goddam it, I’ve tried it before It’s no good! This is nuts! You know you want to come back with me!! Because where it matters most, it’s me! Just say yes. And let’s go home.
AVA: (Emotional) It may be home for you but it’s not home for me. (Pause) I just can’t do it Frank.
FRANK: Why not??
AVA: Because it’s not right. It’s just not. There’s got to be… more than just fucking and fighting. And we ain’t got that more. Not even a sniff. I wish we did. But we don’t.
FRANK: How can it be “not right”… when it feels so right!
AVA I love you like life its goddam self. But, we can’t do this. It’s the hardest thing. It’s the ball game Frank.
FRANK: So what do you want me to say? “It’s been nice, Ava.”
AVA: Yeah. I do.
FRANK: It was meant to be till death us do part.
AVA: This is death, Frank. This is how it feels.
They sing We Can’t Seem to Make It Fly.
IT’S ALL SO HARD IT’S ALL SO TOUGH
WHEN YOU REALISE THAT ENOUGH’S ENOUGH
IN SPITE OF BEING OH SO MUCH IN LOVE
WE CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE IT FLY
IT’S ALL SO SAD IT’S ALL TOO MUCH
HOW’M I GONNA LIVE WITHOUT YOUR LOVING TOUCH
TRYING TO MAKE DO WITH SOME SUCH AND SUCH
BECAUSE WE CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE IT FLY
BACK IN THE AGES SO THE GOOD BOOK SAYS
THAT MOSES HE PARTED THE SEA
WHAT KIND OF GOD
WOULD LOOK DOWN FROM HIS HEAVEN
AND TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME
OH-OH I’M NO ANGEL AND YOU’RE NO SAINT
WE BOTH DO SUFFER FROM THE SAME COMPLAINT
BEING TOO PIG-HEADED TO BE ANYTHING WE AIN’T
BUT WE CAIN’T SEEM TO MAKE IT FLY
WE CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE IT FLY
CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE IT FLY
NO MATTER HOW WE TRY
WE CAN’T SEEM TO MAKE IT FLY
Frank goes to walk away. He stops then returns to Ava, holds out his arm. She takes it and they stroll away together with Frank whistling.
Lights fade to blackout.
End of scene.
Scene Eight
The empty rehearsal room. This time there are only two chairs, facing each other. Stanley Kramer walks in sipping a coffee. A moment later Ava enters, in a white trench coat, and white scarf and sunglasses.
STANLEY: I’m really sorry to call you so early.
AVA: You viewed my last scene again and I still didn’t get it.
STANLEY: No. You got it. It was me. I asked you for a tear… you cried on cue… But now I don’t want the tear.
AVA: So we re-shoot? I got a plane to catch…
STANLEY: This won’t take long. The crew’s ready. Just one shot, in profile. Costume looks fine.
AVA: How about the woman in it?
STANLEY: A little hungover maybe. Perfect.
They stand. He moves her to the pose he wants her in, staring into the distance
(3/4 to audience) and stands back and looks at angles.
STANLEY: There’ll be music over it.
AVA: Could you maybe hold the violins a little?
STANLEY: I’ll try to restrain myself. So, yes, it’s the final scene of the film. She’s had to let go of the man she loves. And now she’s standing on a windswept headland, looking out at the bay as he sails away, up on the conning tower of his sub. And she knows there’s nothing she can do about it. It’s just the way it is. And now she’ll be alone, and die alone.
AVA: But… she doesn’t cry…
STANLEY: No. She’s stronger than that. She knows it’s just fate.
AVA: All that, just in my face.
STANLEY: He’ll be looking back from the sub. They can’t see each other of course… too far… but the angles will suggest it.
AVA: (Pause) I’m ready.
She stands looking out into the distance. Stanley slowly circles her, looking
closely.
STANLEY: She’s calm. Strong. Accepting. It’s good Ava. You can still see his face in your mind. You know you still love him. But this is it. The end.
A tiny hint of a smile comes to her lips.
STANLEY: Is that a hint of a smile? Oh, keep it, keep it! It’s good! In the face of loss, death itself, everything… Yes… that’s the woman she is.
She holds it a moment longer.
STANLEY: (Gently) And… cut.
Lights slowly fade on them.
End of scene.
Scene Nine
Lights up on the Essendon Airport Departure Lounge. Ava arrives dressed to travel. Grace and her sisters and the Cats are also there.
AVA: Good morning everyone!!
There are hugs and kisses.
AVA: Now listen. My dear friend Howard Hughes has sent a nice big TWA Super Constellation plane… just for me. So I thought, maybe a few of my friends would like to come with me… to Hawaii!
OTHERS: (Cheers) Hey!! Yeah!!!
AVA: And I’m sure Grace, Bella and Joy would sure like to see…. where their papa came from!
GRACE: Thank you Ava!
BELLA & JOY: Yes!! And learn to surf too!!!
AVA: I can’t believe I’m saying this… I think I’m actually gonna miss Melbourne, but at least I’ll have you all with me for a few days… (Pause) Oh, and Joe…
She takes him aside and hands him the emerald necklace in tissue paper.
AVA: A little something for Grace. When you get to Honolulu.
JOE: Oh… wow… thanks Ava. But it’s… so… so kind.
AVA: No it’s not. You are.
She kisses him on the cheek. The band starts Island Time with Ava, Grace and Joe smiling and singing.
GONNA LEAVE THIS JOB
GO SOME PLACE OUT OF REACH
A TROPICAL ISLE
WHERE I CAN GET REALLY ON THE BEACH
AND ONTO ISLAND TIME
GET BACK ON ISLAND TIME
GONNA LOSE MY BLUES
IN SOMETHING LONG AND COOL
GONNA THROW OFF MY SHOES
AND JUMP INTO THE POOL
AND INTO ISLAND TIME
GET BACK ON ISLAND TIME
DON’T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER DAY
COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS ‘TIL I GO AWAY
DREAMING OF ISLAND NIGHTS
AND FRANGIPANI BREEZES
GROWN SO TIRED OF MELBOURNE TOWN
I WANNA GO AND SMILE AWAY MY FROWN
SLOWING DOWN, TURNING BROWN, GETTING SANE
SOME TROPICAL RAIN
TO RINSE AWAY THIS DUST
AND WHEN I GET ON THAT ‘PLANE
I’M GONNA INSTANTLY ADJUST TO
ISLAND TIME
GET BACK ON ISLAND TIME
OH ISLAND TIME
I’LL GET BACK ON ISLAND TIME
I SAID ISLAND TIME
YES I’LL GET BACK ON ISLAND TIME
They all form a conga line which snakes onto the plane. Neil Jillett enters and tries to join the line. Joe kicks him off the line and he falls.
Screen projection of the Constellation taking off into the blue sky. As it does, Frank, in suit and hat, enters at the edge of the stage and watches it fly off… and he tips his hat in salute.
Frank slowly realises that Neil is on the other side of the stage getting to his feet and dusting himself off.
FRANK: Not you again… What do you want?
NEIL: I’ve just got one more question Mr Sinatra…
FRANK: Oh, no… What do you want from me?
NEIL: What do really think of Melbourne?
Frank roars with frustration and fury.
FRANK: AARGH!!
He chases Neil off the stage.
End of Scene.
CURTAIN.
Finale
Spot on Ava sitting writing a letter on a writing pad…
AVA: Ava Gardner, Madrid, Spain.
To: Joe Lane, C/o Muttering Lodge, Alma Rd, St Kilda, Melb-boring, Victoria, Australia. (Pause) Dear Joe…
She stands and sings At The End of the World directly to the audience .
I FOUND MYSELF
AT THE END OF THE WORLD
JUST AS FAR FROM HOME AS A GIRL COULD GO
I FOUND MYSELF
ALONE IN A CROWD
ALL ALONE IN THE CAMERA’S GLARE
I NEEDED A FRIEND
WHO WAS FUNNY AND KIND
WHO’D LEND ME A HAND
AND A SHOULDER FOR LEANIN’
YOU SANG ME YOUR SONG
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SOUND
AND YOU CAUGHT ME BEFORE I FELL
I FOUND MYSELF
AT THE END OF THE WORLD
WITH NO WAY OUT BUT TO FACE MY FEARS
AND I ASTOUNDED MYSELF
AT THE END OF IT ALL
BY MAKING IT THROUGH UNSCATHED
NOW I’VE ALLOWED MYSELF
TO BE PROUD OF MYSELF
A WOMAN NOW AND NOBODY’S GIRL
SINCE I FOUND MYSELF
AT THE END OF THE WORLD
AT THE END OF THE WORLD
LOVE, AVA
She blows a kiss to the audience.
Lights fade on her.
END.
